Here is the great thing I have learned from these downs and climbing back to the ups just to fall back down. It gave me the opportunity to really focus on what is most important. My kids, Brandon, my faith, and me. It allowed me really to not have the time to care about my shallow thoughts. I feel I am at a point where I don't care. I am not being insensitive when I say that. But really I don't care. I don't care that a friend is taking her third trip to Disneyland in the same year with her kids that seem perfectly behaved. I don't care that a friend has her kids perfectly dressed and sitting perfectly at church. I don't care that my kids are throwing a huge tantrum in the middle of a store. Well maybe I do still care a little about that. But I don't care what others are thinking. I care more about how it is making my child feel. I don't care that a friend takes her daughter for a mommy daughter mani/pedi. I don't care that a friend's hubby surprised her with an amazing gift.
I really truly do not care. The best part about not caring is that I truly am happy for what my friends are experiencing. I no longer feel bothered annoyed and less than. I am happy that they are excited to share their kids and families happy experiences. I feel sad when they feel sad. I feel frustration when they feel frustrated. I have more time to care about the things that really matter in my life and my friends life and less time to care about the shallow things. This may not make any sense to anyone reading this but it does to me. I feel stronger than I have in a long time. I guess I am probably gearing up for something else to hit us and I hope this not caring can help push me through the downs.