Friday, September 06, 2013

It's Not Me

I think I am becoming a very negative person when it comes to parts of my life and toward other people. In the last few years with the booming social network and blog world we are all exposed to parental bragging and people who feel they have the right to judge other parents that obviously have not taught their kids the appropriate social behaviors. I am proud of my kids. I think they can be pretty great and I think its cool that other parents are proud of their kids.

Family 3

Family 2
Family 1



 Lately though I have become more sensitive to the nature of some of these post and comments. Parents are posting about their frustration with schooling for their very loved and nurtured star students. Claiming it is hard to have their kids learning what they need to because they are in a classroom with students who were not taught, loved, and nurtured well by their parents. The teacher has to spend all her time teaching down to these poor unloved kids. I also read today of a mom frustrated with a bully at her son's school. She mentioned many times how much she has taught her son to be a good person and its a shame these parents have not done the same for their son.

I have become increasingly frustrated by these different post because most of the time the parent is patting themselves on the back and claiming they have done more for their kids than the other uninvolved parents. There is a story to every family that most people are not aware of. I am learning through my own experiences as a mother not to judge too quickly. I have no idea what these families are going through just as they don't know what we are dealing with. I am far from perfect.

I was so naive as a new parent. I thought I was going to be an all-star parent. During my last semester I was practically a full time PE teacher. I was able to control my PE classes with positive praise and proper discipline. I thought my kids and I are going to have the best time with these new skills I had gained. I looked at other families pre kids and thought I will never have kids that behave like that. HA! I hang my head in shame now for those thoughts even being allowed to creep in my mind. The truth is I had no clue what I was up against.

Here is a commercial I thought about from the 80's that got me thinking. This is when Brandon sings "A dangerous past time." I know".

I get it. The dad smokes pot so the kid smokes pot too. This is what I have been confused with lately. I use to congratulate myself on how well my babies would sleep. I thought somehow it was because of my example and teaching. I've sadly come to the conclusion that I was just blessed with good sleepers and it had nothing to do with my flawless bedtime regiment. 

I have kids, who will remain nameless, who have completely thrown off everything I thought parenting would be like. I am tired of getting looks and comments from people when my kids are not displaying appropriate behavior. Which is often.  Obviously me being their mother I have not taken the time to nurture, love, discipline, and teach them appropriate behavior. Who else is there to blame. I know some looks are just my over sensitivity but we have all seen the look I'm talking about. 

I have one child who performs well below age level in school. I've worked so hard to help this child  reach the level they should be at in school. Countless hours of therapies, extra learning activities to keep  attention, positive praise, and so called proper discipline. If the idea of the nurturing, teaching, and love is what will help my child succeed than this child should be off the top of the charts. 

That is no where near our story. I don't remember teaching my children to swing or spit at bystanders that look at them strangely or even just offer to help. A chair or a trash can on different occasions has also been used to push over or throw when letting out their frustration. They have also bitten, hit, and pinched kids they feel have wronged them somehow. I have done something completely wrong in the minds of these so called parents who have nurtured, loved, and taught their kids proper behaviors. I also had a psychologist who we were paying too much for her advice try to tell me the tools she is giving me will work like a charm because they worked for her and her kids. 

I am not writing this to fish for the "Your a great Mom!" comments. I know I am a good mom most of the time. I don't think I am a bad mom. I love my kids. I get excited for family and friends kids when they achieve something great. I am trying to be more sensitive towards those people who seem to be struggling. I try to avoid the judgmental thoughts. I'm realizing most people around me are just trying to do the best that they know how. I am hoping others can do the same for me and my family.

I saw this video while Camden was in the hospital. It showed people walking around a hospital with their current struggles or successes floating above their heads so others could see.  I think people would be nicer if we all had messages on us declaring our current struggles at the moment.




6 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for putting into words some of the thoughts and feelings that have been weighing on my mind lately. I too recall the naive, immature beliefs I held about parenting before I had kids of my own. I was confidant that if i worked hard and loved them loads, they would turn out to be valedictorians, skilled musicians, gifted athletes, student body officers, and naturally humble! Basically, just like me... in my fantasies! Reality is never the half an hour sitcom that has simple solutions to complex problems. Like many people out there, I'm taking it one day at a time.

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  2. I love this, and I love you!

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  3. Tassi, this was beautiful! I love you so much!

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  4. What a great post Tassi and beautiful thoughts -- loved reading this!

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  5. Hi Tassi, obviously I don't keep up with blogs. But I happened to notice you had a post I had never read right in the middle of dealing with school drama and the principal. Parenting is so humbling. I am often dumbfounded as I have no idea what causes "success" or "disappointment". I really appreciated reading your honest thoughts and call to more kindness and understanding for all parents and children.

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  6. Kylee, not Dustin :)

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